Stories from the Consulting Room: Sometimes I Want to Disappear for a While

An international student told me that sometimes she wants to disappear for a while.

Not suicide—just wanting to disappear.

She said:

「Sometimes I really want to turn off my phone, not reply to messages, not post on social media, not answer calls.」

「Just disappear for a while, without having to be responsible to anyone.」

「Without having to pretend 'I'm fine,' without having to answer 'How have you been lately?'」

「Just being alone, doing nothing at all.」

She said:

「There was a time I actually turned off my phone for two days.」

「My mom called several times, and I didn't answer any of them.」

「Two days later I turned it back on and saw a bunch of messages.」

「She asked me 'Why didn't you pick up?' and 'Are you okay?'」

「I told her 'My phone was broken.'」

「But really I was just in my room, not wanting to talk.」

「Not wanting to pretend, not wanting to explain.」

「Just wanting to disappear for a bit.」

A boy told me:

「Sometimes I want to disappear because I can't keep going anymore.」

「I want to shut down all communication and be alone.」

「Not having to deal with questions like 'How are you doing lately?'」

「Not having to pretend 'I'm doing great.'」

「Just being alone, quietly.」

He said:

「There was a time I was feeling really down and wanted to shut everything off and disappear.」

「But I knew if I shut off my phone, they'd worry.」

「Then they'd call more and get more anxious.」

「So I chose not to turn it off, but also not to answer.」

「I'd watch the phone ring and then let it stop.」

「Then I'd say 'I was in class' or 'I was sleeping.'」

「But really I was just in my room, not wanting to talk.」

A girl told me:

「Sometimes I want to disappear because I don't know how to keep pretending.」

「Pretending 'I'm fine' is exhausting.」

「I want a place where I don't have to pretend.」

「But it seems like there isn't one.」

「So sometimes I really want to disappear, just to rest.」

She said:

「There was a time I just shut down and stayed in my room for a long time.」

「My mom called, and I didn't answer.」

「She sent a message asking 'What's wrong?'」

「I replied 'Nothing, just tired.'」

「She said 'Did something happen?'」

「I said 'No.'」

「Then she asked a bunch more questions.」

「In the end, I didn't reply.」

「It's not that I didn't want to reply, it's that I didn't know how.」

「I just wanted to disappear for a bit, without explaining anything.」

A lot of parents worry when their kids "go off the grid."

"Why don't you answer calls?" "Why don't you reply?" "Did something happen?"

But the child might just want to disappear for a bit.

They might be overwhelmed and want to be alone.

They might not want to pretend, not want to explain—just want to be left alone.

A boy told me:

「Sometimes I want to tell them 'I just want to disappear for a bit.'」

「But I know if I tell them, they'll worry.」

「Then they'll ask 'Did something happen?'」

「I just want to rest a bit, not do anything rash.」

「But they don't get it.」

「So I choose not to answer the phone, then say 'I'm busy.'」

「But 'I'm busy' is a lie, and 'wanting to disappear' is the truth.」

If you're a parent, maybe you could think of it this way:

When a child "doesn't answer calls" or "doesn't reply to messages," they might not be in trouble—they might just want to disappear for a bit.

Maybe send a message: "If you just need time alone, you don't have to reply. I just wanted you to know I'm here."

Give them the space to either disappear or reply on their own terms.

Instead of always having to perform "I'm here."

I'm in Manchester, working specifically with international students in counseling.

If you'd like to talk, feel free to message me.