Stories from the Counseling Room: Everyone Has Friends Except Me

A student told me that all her roommates had friends, except her.

She said:

「My roommates go out for dinner and hang out all the time, but I don't.」

「Sometimes I really want to join in, but I don't know how to bring it up.」

「I look like an extrovert on the outside, but I'm an introvert dying inside.」

「I'm socially anxious—I can't bring myself to take the initiative to meet people.」

She said:

「Once my roommate asked me, 'Do you want to grab dinner together?'」

「I hesitated for a long time, and finally said, 'You guys go ahead—I have homework.'」

「I didn't actually have homework. I was just scared.」

「I was afraid I'd say something wrong, that I wouldn't fit in.」

「So I chose not to go, and stayed alone in my room.」

She said:

「Sometimes I hear laughter from the next room, and I think, 'Why does everyone have friends except me?'」

「Then I'd spiral into feeling really down, wondering if I'm just not good enough.」

「But I won't tell my family, because they'd say, 'You need to be more proactive.'」

「I don't want to hear that.」

A boy told me:

「My roommate often brings friends over to hang out, and I just hide in my room.」

「Sometimes I'll pretend to be busy, but really it's because I don't know how to join in.」

「I'm afraid it'll be awkward if I go out, so I choose not to come out.」

「Then they think I'm 'stuck up.'」

「But really, I'm just socially anxious.」

He said:

「Sometimes I really want to talk to someone, but I don't know who to reach out to.」

「My social media looks super quiet because I don't have many friends.」

「I don't want my family to know, because they'll worry.」

「And they'll say, 'You should go out more and meet people.'」

「But I know—I just can't do it.」

A girl told me:

「Sometimes I wonder if there's something wrong with me.」

「Why can everyone else make friends, but I can't?」

「Am I too introverted? Am I bad at socializing?」

「Then I'll shut down and won't want to go out.」

She said:

「Once my roommate asked me, 'Why are you always by yourself?'」

「I said, 'I like being alone.'」

「But it's not that I like it—it's that I don't know how not to be alone.」

「I'm afraid of being rejected, of saying the wrong thing, of not fitting in.」

「So I learned to be by myself.」

「But being alone really is lonely.」

Many parents think, "My child should have lots of friends outside."

"Studying abroad is for meeting people—how could they have no friends?"

But for many international students, socializing is genuinely difficult.

They might be very socially anxious, unable to take the initiative to meet people.

They might be afraid of rejection, afraid of saying the wrong thing, afraid of not fitting in.

They might look "very independent," when really they just don't know how not to be alone.

A boy told me:

「Sometimes I really want to have friends, but I don't know how to make them.」

「I'm afraid that if I make the first move, I'll get rejected, that if I invite someone, they'll say they're busy.」

「So I choose not to take the initiative.」

「Then after being alone for a while, it becomes even harder to know how to make friends.」

「I want friends too, but I really don't know how.」

If you're a parent, maybe you could think about it this way:

When a child "has no friends," it might not be that they don't want to—it's that they don't know how.

Maybe you could ask: "Do you find making friends difficult?"

The answer might help you understand your child's "being alone" in a whole new way.

If you're an international student, maybe you could talk to someone about it.

Not because there's something "wrong" with you—but because social difficulties are real, and you deserve to be supported.

I'm based in Manchester, specializing in mental health counseling for international students.

If you'd like to talk, feel free to send me a message.