Stories from the counseling room: The day my essay wasn't finished, I cried in the library until I had no voice left

An international student told me that every time he video-called his parents, he would say "school's going okay" and "I'm doing fine."

I asked, is it really okay?

He was silent for a moment, then said:

「Actually, a lot of the time I don't know what the teacher is talking about.」

「I sit in the library reading other people's essays, I don't understand them, and I don't dare to ask.」

「I've tried hard, but trying hard doesn't always help.」

He said there was one time he couldn't finish his essay, and he sat in the library until closing time.

「That day I cried alone until there was no sound left.」

「But the next day I still told my mom 'I'm doing fine.'」

He said:

「I don't dare tell them, because I feel like they'll say 'is it because you weren't taking it seriously?'」

「I don't dare say 'I really tried so hard but I just can't keep up,' because it sounds like an excuse.」

「So I just say 'it's okay' — they wouldn't really understand anyway.」

He said the hardest part was that every time he video-called his parents, they would ask:

「How are your studies going?」

「Are you keeping up?」

「Any difficulties?」

And every time he would say 「it's okay」 「I'm doing fine」 「no difficulties.」

But inside he was thinking:

「If I told them I can't keep up, what would they say?」

「Is it because you weren't taking it seriously?」

「Is it because you didn't work hard enough?」

「Is it because you didn't manage your time well?」

「I'm afraid of those follow-up questions, so I learned to say 'it's okay.'」

A girl told me:

「This semester I'm really numb.」

「There are assignments due every week, plus group presentations to prepare.」

「Sometimes I'm writing until 3 a.m., and I've pulled all-nighters several times.」

「But what I always tell them is 'I'm doing fine.'」

She said one time she really couldn't hold on anymore, and she told her mom 「I've been really tired lately.」

Her mom said: 「Is it because you didn't manage your time well?」

「That moment I completely broke down.」

「I'd been working so hard for so long, and all I got was 'is it because you didn't manage your time well.'」

「So I'll never say anything again.」

A lot of parents think that if their child's studies are "going okay," then there's no problem.

But sometimes, "it's okay" is the only safe answer a child can give.

He may have been holding on for a long time, just not knowing how to say it.

He may have been too exhausted to keep competing, but doesn't dare to say it.

He may already be suffocating, but can only pretend "I'm fine."

A boy told me:

「Sometimes I feel like I'm really stupid.」

「Why can everyone else understand things that I can't.」

「I sit in the library, looking at other people's essays, not knowing what I'm even looking at.」

「But I don't dare ask, because I feel like if I did, I'd be laughed at.」

「And I don't dare tell my family, because they'd say 'is it because you weren't taking it seriously.'」

「So I just hold on alone.」

If you're a parent, maybe you could ask one question:

「Are you having any difficulties with your studies? I don't mean grades — I mean how you feel.」

The answer might make you see your child in a whole new light.

If you're an international student, maybe you could find someone to talk to.

Not because you "have a problem," but because you deserve support too.

I'm in Manchester, specializing in counseling for international students.

If you'd like to talk, you can message me privately.