Stories from the Counseling Room: I'm Afraid of Graduation, Even More Afraid of Going Home

An international student told me he's afraid of graduation.

Not because he can't find a job, but because he doesn't know what to do after graduating.

He said:

「Graduation means I have to make a choice: stay, or go back.」

「Staying means I have to keep grinding, keep being alone.」

「Going back means facing questions like 'Did you find a job?' 'How much do you make?' 'When are you getting married?'」

「I'm scared of both.」

He said:

「Sometimes I want to completely check out, but I know I can't.」

「Because if I check out, that means going back.」

「And once I'm back, they'll ask 'Why aren't you trying harder?'」

「So I have to keep grinding, keep pushing through.」

「But honestly, I'm so tired.」

A girl told me:

「I'm afraid of graduation because graduation means facing reality.」

「My friends here will scatter, I'll be alone.」

「Once I'm back, I'll be 'the kid who had it all together' again, facing all these expectations.」

「I don't know what I want, but I know I don't want to face those expectations.」

She said:

「Once my mom asked me 'What do you want to do after graduating?'」

「I said 'I don't know.'」

「She said 'Then come home.'」

「But I'm scared to go back, because going back means 'I didn't live up to their expectations.'」

「So I choose not to say anything, or pretend 'I'm still thinking about it.'」

「Actually I'm not thinking about it, I'm running away from it.」

A boy told me:

「I'm afraid of graduation because I don't know how to explain to them 'I can't find a job.'」

「They'll say 'Didn't you try hard enough?' 'Didn't you send out your applications?'」

「But I did try—it's just that the competition here is brutal.」

「I just don't know how to tell them that.」

「So I choose not to say anything, just tell them 'Still looking.'」

He said:

「Once I told them 'Finding a job is really hard.'」

「They said 'Then come back—there are more opportunities in China.'」

「But I don't want to go back, because going back means 'I failed.'」

「So I choose to keep staying, keep grinding.」

「But I'm really so tired.」

「I'm afraid of graduation, even more afraid of going home.」

A lot of parents ask their kids "What do you want to do after graduating?" or "When are you coming back?"

But maybe the kid is just afraid of making a choice.

Maybe they don't know what they want, but they know they don't want to face the expectations.

Maybe they can't find a job, but they're afraid to say it, worried they'll be told "You didn't try hard enough."

Maybe they want to completely check out, but know they can't—so they keep grinding.

A girl told me:

「Sometimes I really want to tell them 'I'm afraid of graduating.'」

「But I know if I do, they'll worry, they'll say 'Then just come back.'」

「But I don't want to go back, because going back means 'I failed.'」

「So I choose not to say anything.」

「I pretend 'I'm still planning.'」

「Actually I don't know how to plan.」

「I'm just scared.」

If you're a parent, maybe you could think about it this way:

When your child "is afraid of graduating," maybe it's not that they lack a plan—maybe they're afraid of having to choose.

Maybe you could ask: "Does the whole graduation thing feel really overwhelming to you?"

"Whether you choose to stay or come back, I'll support you."

"I won't tell you what you 'should' do—I just want to know what's going on in your head."

Give your kid a space where they can say "I'm afraid of graduating, even more afraid of going home."

Instead of always having to pretend "I'm still figuring it out."

I'm based in Manchester, and I work specifically with international students in counseling.

If you'd like to talk, feel free to send me a message.